I have noticed recently that the supply of space Viagra is dwindling quickly. At the current rate, I suspect that we will run out before we have a chance to restock. I am concerned that the crew may be using this… er, recreational… drug a bit too recreationally. While I suspect there is no fear of physical addiction, I suspect that some may have formed a mental dependence and now use it as an easy out in place of good old fashioned foreplay.

I will suggest to the captain that we hold a voluntary group session where I will counsel crewmembers on holistic alternatives to Space Viagra. Clothing optional.

Chief Engineers of USS John H. Boner,

As you all know I am an old fashioned Starfleet officer and a gentleman. There are two things I don’t like in this universe, lack of sense of humor and Transporters! That’s right! Now, I can’t talk about the lack of sense of humor thing since that’s still pending investigation…because apparently being space drunk and and mooning the Defiant thru the view screen is not funny according to Lt.Commander Worf! Now as far as transporters…I just don’t feel comfortable being split to atoms and put together Continue reading →

1MC Announcement: Attention crew of the USS John H. Boner…first thank you for your dedicated service to our wonderful ship. We have gone to exotic planets and experienced wonderful things! We have been at the tip of the spear in exploration, humanitarian aid and defense and for that we thank you. That being said, with every positive there is a negative……there is a rumor going on that the last 13 away teams we’ve deployed, every Redshirt crewman have been KIA.This is not true….some were injured….and eventually died. Although we do regret the passing of Ensign Wigglestooth…sorry she captured by the Mugatos on planet Nueral and was mauled and eaten and Enlisted crew member Toshiba that was a transporter accident he was beamed right inside the warpcore…I think Chief Engineer Argyle is looking into how he did that ANYWAYS… Continue reading →